始終也去了書展

其實是順便的，也沒有特意去。

算是找到工作了，雖然不是本來計劃的工種，而且地點偏遠，但應該會學到不少東西吧。

今天到公司拿「驗身紙」。過後就想，反正出來了，就繞到書展看看吧。本來亦不打算買甚麼，只拿了圈世界地圖。(這倒是想買良久的)後來看到一折的字典和故事書，就‥‥‥大開殺戒了。覺得不買似乎對不起自己，放在家收藏也是好的。當然心態是不太好。

千辛萬苦地回家，馬上把地圖貼好。看著陰陰嘴笑，名副其實放眼世界。

圍攻無齒之徒

在「宅」了多日以後，昨天決定跟中學同學碰碰面。中五班主任生了孩子，於是一群人上她家搗亂。出門之前有點掙扎，因為與出席的大多不算相熟，而且，真的，很... ... 遠。

但。

還是去了。

而且不後悔。

一開始其實覺得悶的，後來聊聊就好點。有些人，算算已經五六年不見了。明明住在同一棟大廈，但因為時間不對，竟也沒有碰上。

小人兒只有二個月大，當然只會吃、睡、哭，還嘔奶。我正好抱他滿懷，當然身受其害，身先士卒沾了數滴。

只是。

我以為自己很討厭小孩。他們吵、鬧緊燒香、纏、扭、煩，基本上就是邪惡的化身。大學相熟的朋友都不會特別把親友的小孩照片給我看。她們知道我不感興趣，看了也只會帶笑半敷衍地混過去。我想自己性格是比較冷情的，從來就不是看到嬰孩會發狂尖嚷「好可愛好可愛」的人。誰知雙手接觸到這團軟綿綿的溫熱物後，卻不由自主的泛起一陣溫柔。「小人」果然有難以抗拒的魔力。就更明白馬克白夫人心腸是多麼恨，她甚至可以把在自己懷裡吃奶的孩子捏死。無奈此等故事古今中外都不缺。

我的溫柔，大概只適用於三歲以下不懂言語的「無齒之輩」。
(無計，溫柔都被我弟謀殺後再搾乾了)

教我如何不緊張

我發現面試和愛人一樣，愈不在乎表現愈好。

應對得體舉止自若固然是心之所願，但能做到只因不在乎。不在乎自然不緊張，不緊張就不會出現其後的「併發症」。

我一遇到鍾愛之物就手顫心震四肢失衡語無論次，被「想」字圍困。因心有所想，所以木獨木然、木口木面、目光呆滯、目瞪口呆，大腦只餘「空」和「無」。

真是壞習慣。

要學習自控，裝也要裝出自然的樣子。此謂成熟，但真不可愛。



喜歡黃子華。

得閒病了

二重意思，

1. 放假了，可以抽調時間給病痛。
2. 因為空閒，所以病。

二個都通。



朋友邀約去聖誕書展。

但，

之前買的書基本上沒看。

怎好意思又去？

1Q84 -- 村上春樹作品中的人文關懷

中大讀書會網站重播以往的講座，聽完就想做點筆記。

(先旨聲明：以下內容 (完全) 未經講者/ 作者審閱修正。)

講座之前先簡單介紹講者 (王劍凡主講)。
中三開始走「絲路」。
喜歡的三件事：旅行、翻譯、通識。(文、史、哲)
喜歡的三位作家：康德、Alain de botton、村上春樹。

村上作品大致可分為三個十年：
1. 都市文學
2. 從「抽離」到「介入」
3. 社會承擔

村上小說文本內很多符號、歷史背景和象徵意思，可能引致干擾和閱讀困難。
<1Q84> 故事元素包含日本赤軍、毛澤東思想和奧姆真理教的歷史。
<1Q84> 和 <1984> 有關，起始和內容都有對 <1984> 的回應。

追溯整個故事，由浪漫年頭 => 學生運動 => 邪教。
很多事情最初都美好，但美好背後的暗湧可能衍生很多其他。
村上提醒我們注意美好背後發生的事。

到底書中提及的「little people」指甚麼？
「little people」可能指在背後控制我們的不知名東西。
「老大哥」以前是有所指的，明顯有個極權老大，精神領袖；但現在似乎是無所指的，我們不知道一直在背後操控的是甚麼。可能是「系統」、「制度」或其他。所以我們不知道「little people」是甚麼。

但也可能是村上存心讓我們迷惑的。

「對於讀完《空氣蛹》之後還被留在充滿神秘問號泳池中的善男信女，天吾不得不懷著同情心‥‥‥但究竟誰能拯救全世界的人？天吾想。把全世界的神統統召集起來，不是也無法廢除核武器，無法根絕恐怖主義嗎？既不能讓非洲告別乾旱，也不能讓約翰·列儂起死回生，不但如此，只怕眾神自己就會發生分裂，開始大吵大鬧。於是世界將變得更加混亂。想到這種事態會帶來的無力感，讓人們暫時在滿是神秘問號的游泳池裡漂一會兒，也許算罪輕一等吧。」

村上要解決的問題是「善」、「惡」的問題，「加害者」和「受害者」的問題。
像在談「自私的基因」一樣。我們很多時會以「受害者」的身份為自己開脫，大義凜然地做出惡事。村上希望我們反省這個問題。

「這個世界沒有絕對的善，也沒有絕對的惡。善惡並不是靜止不動的東西，而是經常隨場所或立場而改變的東西。一個善下一個瞬間可能轉變成惡。」

重要的是善惡的平衡。極端容易產生被害意識，自己製造敵人。偏向一方就很難繼續現實的道德。平衡本身就是善。

有入口無出口？
真真假假，只要相信就進入了。
村上認為大多情況人都不會感到幸福。但一切都是開放的，我們可以選擇。你可以逃避去另一個世界。如果訓練有素，就可以找到通道在二個世界來回穿梭。
要找入口很簡單，找出口就不容易了。信了某些東西，入了去就出不去。入了那系統，人人都相信那價值，你沒理由不信。

唯一出路是愛？
似乎很老土，但還有選擇嗎？

「就算只有一個也好，心裡只要能喜歡誰，人生就有救了。就算不能跟那個人在一起‥‥‥不過如果能打心裡愛一個人的話，不管是多麼糟糕的對象，就算對方並沒有愛自己，至少人生還不是地獄。」

愛，可作為我們在陰冷世界的精神支柱。
愛在 <1984> 似乎不是出口，不是人可依仗的東西。但 <1Q84> 中似乎是有出口的。

「我寫小說的理由，歸根結底只有一個，那就是為了讓個人靈魂的尊嚴浮現出來，將光線投在上面。經常投以光線，敲響警鐘，以免我們的靈魂被體制糾纏和貶損。這正是故事的職責，對此我深信不疑。不斷試圖通過寫生與死的故事、寫愛的故事來讓人哭泣、讓人懼怕、讓人歡笑，以此證明每個靈魂的無可替代性——這就是小說家的工作。」

以講者最喜歡的一個村上故事作結：

<開往中國的慢船>

「太平洋戰爭中，一個激戰的島上有兩名士兵邂逅‥‥‥一名是日本兵，一名是美國兵。兩個脫離隊伍迷路的士兵，在叢林空地上面對面地碰上了。雙方都來不及舉槍，正在迷迷糊糊，有一名士兵（不知道是哪一邊？）突然舉起兩隻手指行了一個童子軍式的敬禮，對方的士兵也反射性地舉起兩隻手指行了一個童子軍式的答禮。然後兩個人槍都沒舉起，就默默各自歸隊去了。」

最後，只可以說：

「不說明就不會懂的事，是怎麼說明也不懂的事。」

千千萬萬個頹

頹廢的生活太溫柔靜好，失卻上進衝勁。
看書看電影上網偶爾約會逛街看話劇。
戰鬥力一瀉千丈。

向「宅」的方向努力。

但。

+ 社交要銀錢承托
++ 說話要坐言起行

所以。

開始獵取工作，希望捕獲甚麼奇珍。

然後。
發現。
覺得。

世間千千萬萬工作，何以飄泊流離不知方向？
世間千千萬萬個人，為何腑肋總不相配？

於是。

千千萬萬個頹。

聖誕禮物

在節日一向沒有特別買禮物。

一來覺得沒有必要，要送任何時候都可以，為何定要在甚麼甚麼日？(當然大減價還是覺得很吸引，不過只要足不出戶遠離誘惑就 OK ^___^)

二來有點像小學生交換禮物，是半強迫的，不特別期待。「咦你送給我那我要回禮」這樣的感覺。只是因為人情啦社交啦等等的原因，唯欠缺真正重要的心意。可能是我市儈，但這樣其實跟自己買給自己無甚分別，自己買還可以選擇。所以有時收到禮物苦惱比快樂多。

可能又有人說，別人送的不一樣嘛，你又怎知人家想法？節日嘛，就是提供藉口予人購物送禮。但如果年年同一日做同一件事同一個動作，你又如何說服我不是習慣使然？我不能否認，節日的確是購物送禮的藉口 (如果有暗戀目標簡直興奮，可以臉不改容大大方方把禮物塞進其手心迅速逃離現場)，正如我也不能否認自身骨子裏受消費文化熏陶。

扯遠了。
我要說的是，前兩天身痕，突然想送東西給弟，於是攜友遊走玩具反斗城。多番掙扎 (因為有私心嘿嘿) 後還是決定買遙控飛機。物以「罕」為貴，因為我是少有的好，所以我弟禁不住的高興。太 surprise 嘛。

然後我想，其實節日送禮亦無不可，買得如此高興也不常有，就開始 (真正) 明白節日送禮起初的本意。
事情最初都美好，只是後來變了質。

弟讓我試開了一下遙控飛機。手腳不調立即墜機。看來以後 (如果) 學車真要留神，免得應了「車毀人亡」的詛咒。

弟問我想要甚麼。我道，不要因我送而送，真想才好。起頭就不是為收而送，沒有我亦不介意。他最後決定買零食給我。連預算也說了出來 = =" 真是‥‥‥

其實，我想要的是：
A. 絕世好工
B. 超級男友
C. 非常筍盤

請一次滿足我三個願望。
多謝。

So SAD T^T

在面書看到 "starbucks" 的廣告，留了電話後越想越可疑，所以沒有按指示馬上回覆。後來上網查了查 wixawin，才知大件事！

Wixawin收費蠱惑短訊擾用戶

大致內容是：吳女士接獲 501881發出的短訊；拿手機到門市查詢，職員指不開啟短訊便沒問題，故她沒再開啟也不曾回覆。惟近日收到首月賬單，發現有 100多元不明徵費，致電查詢，獲告知她曾「登記」 Wixawin的收費短訊服務；當時 Wixawin回覆，表示短訊已列明收費及取消方法，只要回覆並輸入「 stop」的短訊致 501881便可取消。
根據 Wixawin網頁，該公司提供手機資訊服務，一經登記，用戶每星期會收到兩個訊息，每個收費 12元。

我後來依照 Yahoo knowledge 的教法，輸入「 stop」的短訊致 501881取消，系統回覆 "no active subscriptions were found" 才比較安心~ (但講真，都係有 D 擔心~ 今次都唔知叫蠢定聰明... 唉... )

Anyway，請大家小心。如果留了電話給wixawin，輸入「 stop」的短訊致 501881(或回覆)取消吧。

<非男非女>

故事倒是滿耳熟能詳的，講述一對戀人轉世後男的成了女，女的成了男，然後在現世重逢。中段的靈異部份有點恐怖，但整體感覺搭配得宜。

演後座談會上編劇提到的「二元對立」，我想大概是說 在自我尋索的過程，「人」「我」之間結界會模楜， 對立，融合，再 分離。
我們通過觀察別人認識自己，但衍生出現的，怎是一個「我」字能了？

我們都迷失散落在世間。

Leisure time!

Athough I still got a school exhibition to go and it's time for job-hunting and I really worry about the future, I decided to give myself a holiday.
Til next Monday, I would only try to read books, watch dramas/ movies, meet friends... without doing those "serious" stuff.

I found Dec. too many things to do, with too little time:
!. Plan grad. trip & Macau trip
!!. Design school exhibition
!!!. Job-hunt
!!!!. Meet friends & other activities

Well, schedule looks tight isn't it XD

(轉) 香港雜評

蔡子強：若有一天這個城市死亡，死因會是沉默和冷漠

「他們最先走來捉共產黨，因為我不是共產黨，所以我無出聲；
他們稍後走來捉猶太人，因為我不是猶太人，所以我也無出聲；
他們接着走來捉工會分子，因為我不是工會分子，所以我還是無出聲；
到了他們來捉天主教徒，因為我是新教徒，所以我仍舊無出聲；
最後，他們走來捉我，環顧四周，已經沒有人留下來，可以為我出聲了。」

以上一段「唔關我事，所以我唔出聲，而到了最後，終於無人為我出聲」的故事，來自德國人馬田尼姆拉（Martin Niemoeller），他是一個德國傳教士，雖然也曾被希特勒逮捕而鋃鐺下獄，但戰後他一直沒有以受害者自居，反而深切反省。

馬田尼姆拉的歉疚

他認為納粹所犯下的滔天暴行，不應只推諉給少數幾個人，大家便認為可輕易「甩身」，反而認為應該由整個民族一起承擔，因為面對不公義，如果袖手旁觀坐視不理，本身便是一種不可饒恕的罪行。

他說﹕「我們常常選擇保持沉默，事實證明，我們並不能因此而逃避責任。我曾經不斷反覆地追問自己，如果在1933及1934年間，德國全國境內1.4萬名傳教士都嘗試挺身而出捍衛真理，甚至不惜為此賠上性命的話，歷史是否因此可以改寫呢？我愈來愈傾向相信，300至400萬條無辜犧牲的生命其實是可以挽回的。現在我們必須為此付出代價。」

1月起，吳志森將被香港電台奪去其烽煙節目主持的崗位。港台搬出一大套冠冕堂皇的理由，美其名是要多讓聽眾發表意見。港台上下，由領導層到工會代表，今次在這個問題上立場頗為一致。

香港電台讓我感到陌生

但眾所周知，吳志森一直被左派中人視為眼中釘，傾力圍剿。正如他近日在報章撰文說﹕

「去年12月至今，愛國左報指名道姓批判我的文章，多達70篇。打手們都仔細監聽我的節目，反覆閱讀我的文章，再斷章取義，進行批判。多了這批讀者和聽眾，未嘗不是一件好事，但他們希望的事發生了，目的達到了，今後會清閒多了。」

所以，港台今番舉動，很難不讓人不產生相關的政治聯想。我只能說，對於港台的朋友，我從未試過像今天般感覺陌生。

但我想，吳志森有一點是錯了，就是前述這些人不會變得清閒，因為他們很快便會找來新的目標，例如科大社會科學部副教授成名。

吳志森之後，矛頭轉向成名？

粗略一查，在過去短短10日，愛國報章便有4篇點名針對成名的文章，最新一篇是周一劉夢熊所發表的〈成名是科大副教授還是極端職業政客？〉。

就讓我節錄這篇文章的部分內容，讓讀者一開眼界﹕

「科大校董會應研究成名的所作所為，是否褻瀆師德和影響學校形象，是否應容忍這樣的所謂教授繼續誤人子弟？」

「有評論批評他『言論之激進、政治立場之極端，恐怕連激進反對派政客也自嘆不如，綜觀成名多年來的言論，他根本就是戴着學者頭銜的長毛，只不過是利用學者的身分去鼓吹激進路線』，這批評完全符合事實。」

「成名是『法輪功』的兩大媒體《大紀元時報》和『新唐人電視』的常客，令人搞不清他是科大副教授還是『法輪功』成員。」

「成名扮演極端職業政客的出位言行罄竹難書，令人質疑他是科大副教授還是極端職業政客？」

這類指控，稍為有常識的人，都會知道其橫蠻無理，不用我多廢唇舌。

不錯，劉夢熊確是在趙連海等問題上說過幾句「人話」，而讓他甚至受到吹捧，但到了一些關鍵位，他便很快「歸隊」。這些殺氣騰騰、叫人收聲的文章，展現出他與知識分子的真正差距。

袖手旁觀是一種罪行

我跟吳志森和成名在諸如公投、政改等問題上，都有頗為不同的政見，但我認為這些都不重要，因為這是一個開放、多元社會的必然現象。我相信，自己即使與他們政見不同，也一樣要捍衛他們說出這些政見的權利，這是應有之義。

很多人選擇在香港這塊土地安身立命，並不是因為那些高樓大廈，又或者昔日傳說中的「遍地黃金」，而是它尚算寬鬆自由、開放多元的環境。

我記得港大8‧18事件後曾舉辦過一個公開論壇，不錯，就是徐立之有份出席的那一次。當時有一位來自國內的女同學激動的發言，她說內地是不可以因為抗議而集會的，集會只能為了慶祝，如果她們真的有所不滿，宣示的方法只有透過「散步」。她更說，有4個字，是20多年內自己也不敢喊出的，剛剛看到港大同學喊，她也終於按捺不住，忘情的大聲喊了出來，那就是「平反六四」。

如果有一天，吳志森、成名……，一個又一個都被迫收聲的話，我相信其餘的香港人也都不能獨善其身。如果大家目睹這些打壓和不公義，都選擇冷眼旁觀、明哲保身的話，這個城市將有一天會死亡，死因會是大家的沉默和冷漠。

但丁（Dante Alighieri）在《神曲》中說過﹕「地獄裏最熾熱之處，是留給那些在出現重大道德危機時，仍要保持中立的人。」（The hottest places in hell are reserved for those who in times of great moral crises maintain their neutrality.）

我相信，馬田尼姆拉心裏也會說﹕「監牢裏的一角，是留給那些在目睹打壓和不公義時，選擇無動於中、視若無睹的人。」

梁振英的公道

周二，梁振英高調反擊，批評有傳媒集團天天針對他，並以失實報道抹黑他，更指報道是有動機的，讓他感到困擾，大量虛耗他的精神和時間。

先不說梁拒絕說清楚哪些地方報道失實，聽到梁這番憤慨和控訴，再想起前述吳志森等，以及國內備受宣傳機器打壓的異見人士的遭遇，真的讓人有點哭笑不得。

在房屋、最低工資、民生問題上，梁振英總能滔滔不絕，侃侃而談，但到了諸如六四、大陸異見人士等人權課題上，梁總是選擇緘默，說沒有補充。梁從政了近30年，曾當過特區籌備委員會副主任、行政會議召集人、全國政協常委等，位高權重，與那些備受打壓人士可謂天壤雲泥。試問過往他又有沒有為遭受打壓的異見人士以及人權公義等課題仗義執言過半句？他又有沒有為吳志森等的遭遇伸張過正義呢？今天，到他反過來要為自己討回公道，試問，他又認為自己會能夠得到多少人同情呢？

香港的傳媒當然不是納粹，但梁振英在慨嘆不公時，卻宜多一點馬田尼姆拉式的自省。

 

 

P.S. Suddenly think of this post after watched Ghulam (古拉姆) by Aamir.

試後

昨天考了最後一科，但心情不見得特別雀躍，前路茫茫嘛。

中午和朋友逛街，又用了一個晚上收拾房間。

很累，但睡不著。

一次是無知二次叫愚蠢三次無藥可救如果四次或以上呢？

就是中午吃飯也不可以飲茶，自找的胃痛加難眠。

今天很早就醒了。

現眼報

所以說天理循環，報應不爽。因為過去一星期太悠閒，現在就要「還」。

五：面試
其實應該有時間準備的，只是提不起勁。

六：考普通話
要合格大概沒有問題，但我們是要「追求卓越」的嘛。

一：FYP Present.
可不可以這二天內完成所有東東給時間我背稿？我自問暫時還沒有能力在 G 和 H 兩位女王面前報告不用稿。

二：Communication Management 考試
... ...

不過忙碌的日子倒也充實。

P.S. 政府大人請您應允發放獎學金給小女子吧，我等窮苦學生正處於水深火熱之中。
我還作病，當醫藥費也可以 *^*？

Several nice songs listened to today

A Letter to My (present) Self

Dearest Ling,

You're always my best friend.
You know all my longings, accompany me in every moment. You are the only one who understand me throughly. I love you more than anyone, yet I'm not always be good to you. I filled you with unnecessary suffering and pressure; wasted your time; made you confused of priority in life... I know I shouldn't blame you for the past, those childish behavior and thoughts, without which I can't possibly know how much you grew. I just can't help it. Sorry for being harsh and mean. I shall be nicer to you and people around. That's why I write this letter to you, to reconcile with you.

Life is hard, and I know you're now in the turning point of life: nearly graduate, exploring for the possibilities, wondering what lies ahead, confused, worried, nervous yet excited. Hey, remember what Rancho said in "3 idiots"? He said: "the heart scares easily, you have to trick it, however big the problem is, tell your heart: all is well... you gain courage". That's what I wanna tell you: all is well my dear, all is well. There's nothing to worry about. You have God to rely on; you have a mum who love you wholeheartedly; you have friends who care, so what's the big deal even if you hit the stone later?

You have already improved my friend, more open and willing to try, just not enough! What you're lacking is passion. You need to find your goal, find your love. Breathe hard and deep my dear. Love yourself and live this life passionately, you won't regret.

Forever yours,
Ling

Stressful

So stressful.
Can't concentrate in the practice of tomorrow's presentation.
Two presentation in a row tomorrow, and I feel sick today, sore throat.
Never felt so sad preparing a present.

Frustrated.
Questioning my ability.

I know I need to relax, it's no good to be too tense, but I really wanna have a good result tomorrow. This is my final semester, I wanna do a good job.

Maybe it's because my final putonghua presentation was not as good.
Maybe it's just the % of the present. is too high.
Maybe I'm just not confident enough.

Grad. trip

Back to school for presentation practice this morning, then went to MK to buy travel package with friend in the afternoon. (to Korea)

A five-day grad. trip confirmed.

我在荒野中找你。

乘搭最後一班飛機  闖進異地

穿過雪松  翻越山嶺  走遍昏睡田間

杉樹暗示  園人指引

我拿著地圖  看見你模糊的身影  看不見確實的方向

你就在眼前 彷彿觸手可及

生活  靜好  安穩 豐富 只是沒有我

妄想侵入  打亂規律

空間  扭曲  崩壞  碎裂

化作天上一縷煙魂

Celebrate with Ruby & Eunice

Got up so early to have breakfast with Mandy, but in fact, both of us were not eating much. Mostly is about chatting. I'm kinda disturbed by the "zi" sound produced by her when the old lady behind accidentally kicked her chair. For me, it's kinda "over-reacted" and mean, because the lady was sort of embarrassed and already apologize, but she didn't even care to give her a "never mind". Made me think of one incident in the pass, when I took MTR with her, a man stepped on her toe, and she stared the guy angrily with the complain "it hurts!" I know, it did hurt, but one should also consider others feeling. You can be angry, but it's not necessary for you to show and give others a hard time. I didn't mean to "put myself in the high ground", I have many shortcomings. It just made me uncomfortable. OR, is it because... the many little cracks between that make me more harsh to her?

Went to church afterward, when I listened to the ballad, I have the desire of crying, which made me wonder whether I am under much pressure or so.

Back home, rushed for the group project, I was kinda proud of myself when I saw the final version.

Read some books, then took the MTR to MK celebrating birthday with Ruby and Eunice. Listening "last smile" of love psychedelico, I noticed the girl sitting next to me, and wondering whether she's the blogger that I usually read.

Had a good time with friends.

Back home, planned to check email, take a shower, and sleep. Then saw a email message from a teacher, which made me rather angry that I couldn't help calling Eunice, asked her to check the email. How come a GROUP PROJECT is assessed by individual parts? I mean, it's normal to evaluate base on individual presentation skills, but how come you wanna GROUP project divided into several parts and will not count the overall structure? and you didn't mention anything until several days before the presentation? so what's the meaning for my previous efforts? I decided to send a email to him TODAY. I know it's not good for one to reply an email when one is in one's temper, but I can't wait until tomorrow. Anyway, I had sent the email for Eunice to take a look before sending to the teacher. See what would happen later.

「忙」

久沒有更新了，最近都在   「忙」。

內在一直處於騷動紛擾的狀態，到底是不是真的那麼多事情要做呢？其實也不是。

要衝FYP要趕PROJECT要考試要開始JOB HUNTING‥‥‥

只要好好分配時間拿捏分寸就可以了。

可能只是有點心煩。

鄭秀文 - 插曲

恨也需要動用感情-- 李碧華

「一個溫順而沒性格的人是可厭的。這年頭，爛好人也是可厭的。」

「世上沒有一件工作是不辛苦的，沒有一處人事是不複雜的。如果命中注定是打工，便打好它。別恨把青春葬送，你在家蹺起二郎腿，青春也一樣葬送，不見得光陰會過得慢點。有些人是不必工作的，但那既不是你，反正都要做了，何不快樂一點去做？ 」

Daniel Powter - Bad Day

彭浩翔說：

「看一個人，不能只看他做過甚麼，也得看他拒絕過做甚麼。有些時候，最後沒做出成績是命，但看他拒絕過甚麼事情，卻看到他的堅持。」

Should learn how to say "NO"!
But it's always easier said than done.

(Book Review) The Catcher in the Rye

You probably heard about this book. The Catcher in the Rye is a novel written by J. D. Salinger. The main character Holden Caulfield is a rebellious adolescent in the eyes of most people, especially for adults and “top dogs”. He smokes a lot, swears a lot; he was kicked out by four schools because of his poor academic performance; he even called a prostitute to his hotel room. None of these sound right to us. We might easily treat this book as a crazy story describing a riotous teenager searching for his crazy soul in this crazy world. However, the story is not as simple and loose as it looks.

Despite all his shortcomings, Holden is a caring boy who likes children and feels sorry for others’ suffering. He always want to “be the catcher in the rye” who would catch every child who happens to go over the crazy cliff. The meaning of “the catcher” can be interpreted in a lot of different ways. However, it’s a common believe that it is a person who saves children “falling” from their innocence. This is in fact a serious book written in vulgar language criticizing the superficiality of the society.

Besides the story, you will definitely admire the writing skills of the writer. The vivid languages take you to the New York streets and have a taste of its nightlife. You can almost hear the characters talking.

Before you read, just one tip: Enjoy!

這位太太

你說的話我不想聽
我說的話你聽不進
來來往往根本沒交集
就怕誰先停誰提早出局

偶而也鬆口說自己有錯
謙虛的背後是藉機拉攏
拉拉扯扯沒想像輕鬆
邏輯也打不過信仰深厚

沒有人在聽別人說話
辯證也只是自我的強化
表面是激盪
其實都只剩下立場

人人都會說漂亮的話
誰說得瀟灑誰就是贏家
無關那思想
就等你選了邊坐下

這位太太 Blog

復發...？

我以為做了手術後就會"斷尾"，但今天乘車回校時似乎又"心跳不止"了，完全"頹"了。

雖然應該興幸在加拿大時無驚無險，但我之前肯做 ( 某程度上 ) 是為了將來做空姐，現在是不是不太應該應徵？那麼我應該 / 想做甚麼呢？

唉~

My Darling is a Foreigner

Watch it because of a project, but it's quite nice.

Reminds me of the Japanese friends that I met in Canada and makes me kinds fall in love with Japanese culture.
(though I always like languages =])

細細個-馮曦妤

細個沒有學過都懂得
跌倒起身來過 慣性一樣
人大了怎麼反而 漸漸害怕受傷

變了大個就要懂得修養
欠身份毫無賣相也要自量
既要進入這種天地
別去管是與非殘酷遊戲

童年笑聲震天很平常
怎麼今天一切換了樣
就將身邊所有細意品嚐
曾受騙也別要變鐵石心腸

人咒罵也把它當歌唱
有好心地雙眼都閃閃發亮
不理 外界或者世態炎涼
回到最初 用那顆心 直上

Love Psychedelico: Last smile

凡事不能只看表面

一開始看到兩歲女童悅悅（王悅）先後被兩架車撞倒、捲入車底兼輾過，18人路過卻見死不救的新聞只是感覺恐怖，想中國人怎麼這樣？

看到面書中有人提及彭宇案和《跌倒老人干預指南》。就覺得，某程度上，他們只是生活在大世界的泥娃娃。

南京彭宇案：2006年11月20日，南京市民彭宇陪同一名在路上跌到的徐姓老太太前往醫院檢查，檢查結果表明徐姓老太太股骨骨折，需進行人造股骨頭置換手術。徐姓老太太隨即向彭宇索賠醫療費，彭宇自稱是樂於助人，怎麼反倒被指成是肇事者，拒絕了老人的要求。後在各種調解失敗後，於2007年1月4日在鼓樓區法院提出民事訴訟‥‥‥裁定彭宇補償原告40%的損失，即45876元，10日內給付。

千絲萬縷的關係。

Consolation for Inadequacy (Alain de botton)

You know I always haunt by the feeling that I know too little, and therefore make myself restless. Maybe it's time to see how Montaigne differenciate between "learning" and "wisdom".

"I gladly come back to the theme of the absurdity of our education: its end has not been to make us good and wise, but learned. And it has succeeded. It has not taught us to seek virtue and to embrace wisdom: it has impressed upon us their derivation and their etymology... We readily inquire, 'Does he know Greek or Latin?' 'Can he write poetry and prose?' But what matters most is what we put last: 'Has he become better and wiser?' We ought to find out not who understands most but who understands best. We work merely to fill the memory, leaving the understanding and the sense of right and wrong empty."

These days, I rather read books that are irrelevant to my subjects... but "Only that which makes us feel better may be worth understanding" ma = =.. (wonderful excuse!)

3 Idiots

I shall call it one of my favorite!

(See Trailer in Youtube)

More

Macbeth 馬克白

星期五早上9：30上課上到下午4：30，因為要談FYP本來約了人吃飯也放棄了。晚上七點急急腳趕到中環看Macbeth，飯也沒吃。

而我係香港人但我係路癡我係香港問路我俾人歧視我下次扮自由行。

到了香港大會堂還有時間，本來想買些什麼吃，但看到全都是些什麼什麼飯就不想吃了。結果快十一點我在地鐵七仔買左件蛋糕當晚餐，我咬了一半飛左一半落街，當下感覺自己有點慘。

可是我用學生價買人家的好位置，想起回家時都陰陰嘴笑。

不過也不能開心多久了。



說回Macbeth。

舞臺設計簡單，三根柱子幾個演員演活了整個故事。

一開場舞臺兩邊泛出迷離煙霧，4D湧向觀眾。然後女巫出現。演員在微焦的氣味下舞動。肢體動作代替語言，舉手投足間充滿張力。

Macbeth描寫了人性的黑暗面，講述因利欲昏心而背信棄義的故事。劇中毫不避緯地描寫殺人和性之類的場面，並加插幽默元素，看過會更明白故事內容。

看過感覺是沙翁真的很厲害。雖然我英文不夠好，（最上方的中文字幕幫了我不少）還是能感受到他遺詞用字的高超本領。

要好好學習語文。

The Consolations of Philosophy

Alain de Botton illustrates the ideas of the ancient philosopher Lucius Annaeus Seneca (塞內卡) to help us deal with problems of life, which provides some insights for me.

Anger:

"what makes us angry are dangerously optimistic notions about what the world and other people are like."

"We must reconcile ourselves to the necessary imperfectibility of existence: Is it surprising that the wicked should so wicked deeds, or unprecedented that your enemy should harm or your friend annoy you, that your son should fall into error or your servant misbehave? We will cease to be so angry once we cease to be so hopeful."

Shock:

As

"there is nothing which Fortune does not dare"

and man is only

"A vessel that the slightest shaking, the slightest toss will break... A body weak and fragile, naked, in its natural state defenceless, dependent upon another's help and exposed to all the affronts of Fortune."

Seneca proposed that

"Nothing ought to be unexpected by us. Our minds should be sent forward in advance to meet all the problems, and we should consider, not what is wont to happen, but what can happen."

"Fortune gives us nothing which we can really own... We live in the middle of things which have all been destined to die. Mortal have you been born, to mortals have you given birth. Reckon on everything, expect everything."

Note:
Italic = Quotation from Seneca
Others = Quotation from Alain de Botton

FYP

Makes one frustrated.

Always room to improve.

R.I.P. Steve Jobs

Shocked when I learned the news of Steve Jobs.

Maybe intelligent people are just like fireworks, they burned out, and faded away.

Just wanna share a talk by him.

(Originated by 這雙手雖然小)

去年六月，蘋果電腦的Steve Jobs到Stanford出席畢業典禮並發表演講。

他說了有關他生命的三個故事──「No big deal. Just three stories.」

第一個故事，叫connecting dots.

在大學唸了半年書後，他決定輟學，因為學費太貴，而他也著實看不到那些必修課有什麼價值。

接下來他以旁聽生的身份，在大學裡泡了十八個月，期間他學了不少英文書法。

當時完全不知道學來幹什麼。

直到十年後，他和朋友發明蘋果電腦時，靈機一觸，決定把這些美麗的書法用到電腦裡去，成為我們今天用的Arial，Times New Roman, MS Sans Serif等等。

Steve Jobs說，由於Windows不過在抄Mac，所以如果當年他沒有輟學的話，我們今天就不會在電腦上看見這些秀麗的字體。

有些事，你今天看不到它的意義，但「you have to trust in something — your gut, destiny, life, karma, whatever.」

唯有若干日子後往回看（connecting the dots backward），才看出一切彷彿早有前因。

第二個故事，講他被蘋果攆走。

蘋果電腦由他和朋友在父母的車房裡發明，後來成了獨當一面的企業。

他們請了不少人才回來作管理。但他怎也想不到，公司的董事局其後一致決定要攆走他。

How can you get fired from a company you started?

他當然心有不甘，但想到他仍然深愛他在蘋果所做的一切，他開始抖擻精神，先後成立了NeXT和Pixar兩間公司。

後來蘋果電腦買下了NeXT，Steve Jobs又回來了。

而如今令蘋果重生的一系列技術，皆來自當天的NeXT。

沒有當天的失業，沒有今天的iMac，iTunes或iPod。

最後一個故事，和死亡有關。

Steve Jobs小時候就聽過一個說法，大意是如果今天是你臨死前的一天，你還想做今天要做的事嗎？

他用這個方法作了許多重要的決定。

如果明天都要死了，在這一刻，你毋須為其他人而活，你儘管幹你想幹的事。

在死亡面前，只剩下最重要的事。

他在不久前被診斷出患上胰臟癌，活不到半年；

但幸運地，一天之後，醫生告訴他，他得的是一種罕有能治癒的胰臟癌，經過手術後，現已無大礙。

那是Steve Jobs最接近死亡的一次。

從中他領悟到，死亡原是生命裡最了不起的發明之一。

生有涯。別浪費時間，應做你想做的事，然後「everything else is secondary. 」。

在Stanford發表的演講不過十五分鐘，唔睇就執輸。

1/10 Dinner with friends

Had dinner at Monster Sushi, whiched located in TST I-square, with four other friends to celebrate one of the friend's birthday. Nobody remembered it's national day until we saw so many polices and people hanging around. Foods were yummy. (as well as the prices)

After the dinner, we decided to head back to PolyU Main Camp. to enjoy the birthday cake, and avoid the crowd. Surprisingly, when we arrived the bridge outside Poly, we saw the tip of the firework sparkled behind those high buildings. Quite lovely, as you can hear the thunder at the same time. Though it'll be much better if you're standing right down the fire. (but you really had to have the mood and patient.)

You know, I really like the way it(Poly) looks at night. Peaceful place with romantic touch, a sense of solitude. Surrounded by red-brick buildings and tender lighting, we shared the cake and enjoyed ourselves.

Baileys

話說星期天買了瓶 Baileys，然後藏在房間某處每天喝一點點訓練酒量。它暫時是我喝過最好喝的酒。（雖然我也沒有喝過很多種酒）

因為有牛奶的關係，感覺就好像是帶天真的誘惑。如果把不同的奶類混進去，可以假裝成真牛奶給弟弟喝。

我在想，到底我算不算是自制力好。不管是在香港還是在加拿大，我都不允許自己喝醉。其實我知道，自己只是危機意識強。因為家裡的人都不會喝酒，我一直都不知道自己的酒量。雖然也想知道喝醉是怎樣的，但一想到可能的後果就不想試。似乎是太理智了一點。

不過現在也想探探自己的底。要知道自己的底線到哪裡，這樣比較好。不論是工作還是其他，知道自己的底線就不會越界。

當然，喝 Baileys 某程度也算是一點/一種反叛？

King's Speech

I am really moved at the end of the movie.

The story based on the true story of King George VI.
It's about a man who're overcoming his barrier step by step with the help of a friend.

I was touched by the courage and the endurance of the king, and his friendship with the "doctor".

Remains me to work harder and fight for my life.

One Day

The afternoon lesson was cancelled, went to watch <One Day> with friends.

This is a heart-touching movie with a sense of humor, and you can definitely see the fickleness of life. Even though I don't really like the ending, I like the way it surprised me. (You know, it's kinda bored if you can guess the ending.)

Highly recommended!

Never Let Me Go

This is a film I borrowed from the school library, which talk about genetically engineered clones.

After watching, what lingering in my mind is that why don't they rebel?

I only got the sad feeling but was unable to express, and then I saw this and this, they solve some of my questions and lead me to have a deeper thought of the film.
For more, see the Guardian review.

J 先生

在差不多一年後的今天，才確實知道 J 先生是輕度抑鬱。

他曾經是我的老師，但在還有最後幾星期 Sem. 完的時候走了，我們還擔心不知是甚麼事。其實說是說「我們」，也不知有多少人真正在意他。

那時高層 G 小姐的說詞曖昧不清，不跟我們說明真實情況，只道「你們有空發封電郵關心關心他，也不要問他有甚麼事‥‥‥」說我們是小孩子，怕影響我們情緒云云，轉頭卻跟相熟的同學密談，大概她認為某心臟功能比較強。問某呢，她只說不是撞車不是大病佛曰不可說。

曾經懷疑是不是因太多人投訴，所以學校連最後幾星期都等不到就要解雇他。當然其時已猜他可能是抑鬱，只是不能確定。

其實 J 很有教學熱誠，他錯在用錯方式。又或者，他錯在倒霉。

平心而論，他的筆記的確頗有進步空間，而教學方式也可改變一下。但老實說，大學的課程其實自己也要看點書。能靠老師固然好，但也不是單靠老師的。而如果有看書，就會知道他基本上已經覆蓋了所有範圍。只可以說，他一定不是最差的一個。而即使他是最差的那個，我也不認為他應受如此對待。

起碼他有心。

他平日解釋後常說「其實我也不是很清楚」也不代表他「很廢」。
我的理解是：「其實我也不是比你們聰明或是其他，我想以平輩的方式大家互相交流」。

枉他還說「不關他們事」，在病中仍關心你們情況：其實不會不關的。

我想如果妳真不滿意其實可以先跟他本人談/反映而不是越級跟他上司打小報告(當然妳跟他上司或許比較「熟」比較容易「溝通」)；而假設你不滿意也可以跟他上司說而無需跟他上司的上司說；而其實您們不滿意也無必要三頭二天投訴再加送黑臉為禮。

其實他又有沒有差到(幾乎)一年後再提起時仍是如此嘴臉？教書不好者‥‥‥他拆你們房子打你們老子還是偷你們銀子？

很多無大能力又無心教學的人所受的攻擊反而更微，只因為他們的說話(面具？)比較華美？難道花言巧語比真心珍貴？

在這世界努力和過程似乎不比結果重要。

我們教育孩子不要計較得失、書本上寫成敗不是最重要，但現實勤力努力用心值多少錢？

我對他其實沒有特別好惡，只是覺得他很可憐。像 C 說的，為了這群人不值得。但將心比心，很難不抑鬱的。當「全世界」都針對你。

但我承認我軟弱。
我沒有在「人前」為他說話。

Essays in Love: Marxism

I got to know Alain de Botton because of a guy that I admire.
I tried to find his book "The art of Travel" before my Canada trip but have not succeeded, so I haven't really read his books until I came back.

Few days ago I wandered in the school library (which is a small one) looking for books, and accidentally find his book "Essays in Love", and started to read.

It provides some answers for me:
Why I admire people who are "different" from me; why I feel shock/ uneasy when somebody I like likes me back; why I started to lose interest when somebody shows interest; why I want to hide...

"Perhaps becasue the origins of a certain kind of love lie in an impulse to escape ourselves and our weaknesses by an alliance with the beautiful and noble. But if the loved ones love us back, we are forced to return to ourselves, and are hence reminded of the things that had driven us into love in the first place. Perhaps it was not love we wanted after all, perhaps it was simply someone in whom to believe, but how can we continue to believe in the beloved now that they believe in us?"

And in the conclusion, it says:

"There is usually a Marxist moment in every relationship, the moment when it becomes clear that love is reciprocated. The way it is resolved depends on the balance between self-love and self-hatred. If self-hatred gains the upper hand, then the one who has received love will declare that the beloved (on some excuse or other) is not good enough for them (not good enough by virtue of associating with no-goods). But if self-love gains the upper hand, both partners may accept that seeing their love reciprocated is not proof of how low the beloved is, but of how lovable they have themselves turned out to be."

That's why people said "love yourself before you start to love others".

The Waste Land

We shall not cease from exploration
And the end of all our exploring
Will be to arrive where we started
And know the place for the first time.

     T.S. Eliot -- "Little Gidding" (the last of his Four Quartets)

Back

This is a fruitful trip, and I'm not gonna foget it.

Somehow Canada is my hiding place: I'm carefree and worriless; I can pretend life is easy and relax; I can try things that I might not do in HK; I don't need to work hard and can still do a good job; I don't need to deal with people I don't wanna meet...

Like some fairies

Glass crafts

Stanley Park

Swan?

Museum of  Authopology

Cute

Fort Rodd Hill: travel back to the old time

草泥馬 (Direct translation: Grass mud horse)

Vancouver ferry station

"Souvenir" of Zombie Walk

Pretty

Life

Now I'm back.

And life, will go on.

Cultural Night

This evening will be the cultural night, we've been practising "TaiChi" for several days.
At the beginning I can't control my arms and legs, but now I can be the "tutor" of others.
This would be the 1st time I "dance" before others, hope to have a good show.

Somehow I feel like it's kinda meaningless to differenciate people according to their nations. We have Brazilian girl who was born in Brazil and whose parents are Korean, and Thai girl who study in HK (and she is one of the memember of our team, Chinese)...

Anyway, photo time:

The Butchart Garden

At a ferry

Goldstream Park

P.S. I'm considering should I take the bus with students from Chung Chi at the end of the program: that will be more convenience, yet double the price.

Wandering at Vancouver

School life is kinda busy here. I don't have lots of homework, but there are many activities and gatherings and things like that.

Went to Vancouver this Sat. with a Brazilian, a Mexican, an Italian and a Spainish. Though my stomach complained, we have a good time at the Playland. We had planed to take the final ferry to Victoria and have dinner, but due to some misunderstanding, we missed the ferry and needed to stay at Vancouver for one night. Since it was the "Celebration of light" festival, most of the hostels were full and we couldn't find a place to stay. It was a memorable night: people were drunk, we were tired, sleepy, wandered around trying to figure out what're we gonna do... Do we need to sleep/wander at the street? or Shall we find a 24 hours McDonald/ Cinema/ Cafe to stay?

Finally, we found a hotel near downtown.

(Joke of the night: maybe we can hold an international meeting ourselves.)



-Non-Chinese think I'm a Chinese but Chinese think I'm not Chinese. (They think I am a Korean)

Uvic & Downtown

Downtown Victoria

Lovely Flowers

Right next to me

Grass whale

From my Dom. room

I brought those for a lady

Maple leaf

Just some short notes/ scatter throughts:

-The school program has started.

-All of the Hong Kong students are from CU, except me.

-I didn't know I'm that active/ sociable.

-Learned the greeting of different languages.

-Befriended with a Brazil girl n a Maxico girl, they are very energetic and encourage me to try new things.

-Keep feeling tired at the day, can't get up in the morning.

-My pronunciation is fine but my grammer is terrible.

-(Sometimes) Feel like standing in a maze.

at Victoria

I'm now sitting in a library of Victoria, don't know what to do/ where to go.
The excitement in the beginning is half gone. Also, since the school has sightseeing tours, I better not to wander.

Kinda regret to get there so soon.
It's nothing to do with Victoria, just things are not running that smooth.
Still, I met nice/ friendly people.

There're so many Cantonese.

Starting to adapt

So, I've already been there for around four days.
Things are getting smoother lately: my stomach don't complain that much, the jatlag thing is better, I started to figure out the transportation system there, know some new friends, n so on...

People there is mostly helpful n nice, they will approach n ask whether you need help, "thank you" n "sorry" are words that appear quite often.
Nice place for vacation.

Yesterday:
Jo: Hi.
Me: Hi... I'm done, just wait for you.
Jo: Oh, you're done, ok =]

When I was walking to my room, I realized I'm NOT done! I'VE done...
Anyway, she understood.

Sunset Beach

Vancouver Library

Street art?

1st day in Vancouver

Save the trouble for finding a way of Chinese typing, I'll just use my limited English to write.

Arrived vancouver safetly yesterday, everything's fine except my spoken english n what happened this morning-- I've heard that there was a man holding a gun next to my hostel (don't know did anyone hurt or other details), and it happened just 20mins or so before I got back to the hostel. The fact is, I had passed the hostel few mins back to take photos before really get back to it, so it seems quite "close" to me.

Suddenly not feeling so well this afternoon, my stomach complains, and I feel like vomit. I wonder whether it's the food, (I now realised how unadaptable I am, I miss rice!) the weather or my own problem, (jetlag?) but I definitely don't wanna fall sick at the first few days in vancouver. You know, physically unwell can make one weak psychologically, I can't stop crying in a cafe, feeling sorry for myself.

The Cambie Hostel

Ready... !?

24 July 0030 起飛。

$: Checked.

.

Luggage: Packing.

Me: Status unknown.

書展

一早回校拿 Cert. ，然後出發到書展。

到的時間早，人較少。這樣很好，我不喜與人爭路。

東逛西走，流離到文藝廊。

原來西西會縫熊。

逛到中午，咬著三文治上四樓聽講座，還拿到<末日酒店>的簽名。

21/7 小說語言的隱密：黃碧雲。

是個頗有魅力的人，講著說著似乎有點激動。

可能她只是鼻敏感吧？但我還是覺得，如果能被自己的文字感動，那真是再動人不過了。


之後繼續逛。


收穫豐富，但心情矛盾。

一個參展攤位的一格放了一堆促銷書，就像一群棄兒。

直覺書不應該受這樣的對待。

為甚麼？我說不出。

我替他們感到難堪，看著他們赤祼祼的任人挑選，又想到作者的心情。

他們因種種原因不受大眾歡迎，可能其貌不揚、或許內涵不足，卻都是父母的心血。(假定作者都用心寫作。)

但我比其他人更差。

如果你只是為之抱不平，卻沒有實際行動，感覺就有點假猩猩了。

Anyway，書展還是彼等窮苦學生的購書地。

還是買了不少。

不知是累還是太重，

感覺是用幾張紙換一疊紙。

Breakazine! 014 《出走旅行》試閱版

http://issuu.com/breakazine/docs/breakazine014

「全世界都面對新移民的問題。香港人視新移民為外來者，是搶奪資源的，不應得到6000元；但在西班牙，一個香港人可以免費讀當地的大學，沒有說你是外來者搶走資源。」

村上春樹：永遠站在雞蛋的一側

原來雞蛋與高牆出自村上春樹耶路撒冷文學獎的感言。

Always on the side of the egg

By Haruki Murakami

I have come to Jerusalem today as a novelist, which is to say as a professional spinner of lies.
Of course, novelists are not the only ones who tell lies. Politicians do it, too, as we all know. Diplomats and military men tell their own kinds of lies on occasion, as do used car salesmen, butchers and builders. The lies of novelists differ from others, however, in that no one criticizes the novelist as immoral for telling them. Indeed, the bigger and better his lies and the more ingeniously he creates them, the more he is likely to be praised by the public and the critics. Why should that be?

我是以小說家的身份來到耶路撒冷，也就是說，我的身份是一個專業的謊言編織者。當然，說謊的不只是小說家。我們都知道，政客也會。外交人員和軍人有時也會被迫說謊，二手車業務員，屠夫和工人也不例外。不過，小說家的謊言和其他人不同的地方在於，沒有人會用道德標準去苛責小說家的謊言。事實上，小說家的謊言說的越努力，越大、越好，批評家和大眾越會讚賞他。為什麼呢？

My answer would be this: Namely, that by telling skillful lies - which is to say, by making up fictions that appear to be true - the novelist can bring a truth out to a new location and shine a new light on it. In most cases, it is virtually impossible to grasp a truth in its original form and depict it accurately. This is why we try to grab its tail by luring the truth from its hiding place, transferring it to a fictional location, and replacing it with a fictional form. In order to accomplish this, however, we first have to clarify where the truth lies within us. This is an important qualification for making up good lies.

我的答案是這樣的：藉由傳述高超的謊言；也就是創造出看來彷彿真實的小說情節，小說家可以將真實帶到新的疆域，將新的光明照耀其上。在大多數的案例中，我們幾乎不可能捕捉真理，並且精準的描繪它。因此，我們才必須要將真理從它的藏匿處誘出，轉化到另一個想像的場景，轉換成另一個想像的形體。不過，為了達成這個目的，我們必須先弄清楚真理到底在自己體內的何處。要編出好的謊言，這是必要的。

Today, however, I have no intention of lying. I will try to be as honest as I can. There are a few days in the year when I do not engage in telling lies, and today happens to be one of them.

不過，今天，我不準備說謊。我會盡可能的誠實。一年之中只有幾天我不會撒謊，今天剛好是其中一天。

So let me tell you the truth. A fair number of people advised me not to come here to accept the Jerusalem Prize. Some even warned me they would instigate a boycott of my books if I came.

The reason for this, of course, was the fierce battle that was raging in Gaza. The UN reported that more than a thousand people had lost their lives in the blockaded Gaza City, many of them unarmed citizens - children and old people.

讓我老實說吧。許多人建議我今天不應該來此接受耶路撒冷文學獎。有些人甚至警告我，如果我敢來，他們就會杯葛我的作品。會這樣的原因，當然是因為加薩走廊正發生的這場激烈的戰鬥。根據聯合國的調查，在被封鎖的加薩城中超過一千人喪生，許多人是手無寸鐵的平民，包括了兒童和老人。

Any number of times after receiving notice of the award, I asked myself whether traveling to Israel at a time like this and accepting a literary prize was the proper thing to do, whether this would create the impression that I supported one side in the conflict, that I endorsed the policies of a nation that chose to unleash its overwhelming military power. This is an impression, of course, that I would not wish to give. I do not approve of any war, and I do not support any nation. Neither, of course, do I wish to see my books subjected to a boycott.

在收到獲獎通知之後，我自問：在此時前往以色列接受這文學獎是否是一個正確的行為。這會不會讓人以為我支持衝突中的某一方，或者認為我支持一個選擇發動壓倒性武力的國家政策。當然，我不希望讓人有這樣的印象。我不贊同任何戰爭，我也不支持任何國家。同樣的，我也不希望看到自己的書被杯葛。

Finally, however, after careful consideration, I made up my mind to come here. One reason for my decision was that all too many people advised me not to do it. Perhaps, like many other novelists, I tend to do the exact opposite of what I am told. If people are telling me - and especially if they are warning me - "don't go there," "don't do that," I tend to want to "go there" and "do that." It's in my nature, you might say, as a novelist. Novelists are a special breed. They cannot genuinely trust anything they have not seen with their own eyes or touched with their own hands.

最後，在經過審慎的考量之後，我終於決定來此。其中一個原因是因為有太多人反對我前來參與了。或許，我就像許多其他的小說家一樣，天生有著反骨。如果人們告訴我，特別是警告我：「千萬別去那邊，」「千萬別這麼做，」我通常會想要「去那邊」和「這麼做」。你可以說這就是我身為小說家的天性。小說家是種很特別的人。他們一定要親眼所見、親手所觸才願意相信。

And that is why I am here. I chose to come here rather than stay away. I chose to see for myself rather than not to see. I chose to speak to you rather than to say nothing.

所以我來到此地。我選擇親身參與，而不是退縮逃避。我選擇親眼目睹，而不是蒙蔽雙眼。我選擇開口說話，而不是沈默不語。

This is not to say that I am here to deliver a political message. To make judgments about right and wrong is one of the novelist's most important duties, of course.

這並不代表我要發表任何政治信息。判斷對錯當然是小說家最重要的責任。

It is left to each writer, however, to decide upon the form in which he or she will convey those judgments to others. I myself prefer to transform them into stories - stories that tend toward the surreal. Which is why I do not intend to stand before you today delivering a direct political message.

要如何將這樣的判斷傳遞給他人，則是每個作家的選擇。我自己喜歡利用故事，傾向超現實的故事。因此，我今日才不會在各位面前發表任何直接的政治訊息。

Please do, however, allow me to deliver one very personal message. It is something that I always keep in mind while I am writing fiction. I have never gone so far as to write it on a piece of paper and paste it to the wall: Rather, it is carved into the wall of my mind, and it goes something like this:

不過，請各位容許我發表一個非常個人的訊息。這是我在撰寫小說時總是牢記在心的。我從來沒有真的將其形諸於文字或是貼在牆上。我將它雋刻在我內心的牆上，這句話是這樣說的：

"Between a high, solid wall and an egg that breaks against it, I will always stand on the side of the egg."

「若要在高聳的堅牆與以卵擊石的雞蛋之間作選擇，我永遠會選擇站在雞蛋那一邊。」



Yes, no matter how right the wall may be and how wrong the egg, I will stand with the egg. Someone else will have to decide what is right and what is wrong; perhaps time or history will decide. If there were a novelist who, for whatever reason, wrote works standing with the wall, of what value would such works be?

是的。不管那高牆多麼的正當，那雞蛋多麼的咎由自取，我總是會站在雞蛋那一邊。就讓其他人來決定是非，或許時間或是歷史會下判斷。但若一個小說家選擇寫出站在高牆那一方的作品，不論他有任何理由，這作品的價值何在？

What is the meaning of this metaphor? In some cases, it is all too simple and clear. Bombers and tanks and rockets and white phosphorus shells are that high, solid wall. The eggs are the unarmed civilians who are crushed and burned and shot by them. This is one meaning of the metaphor.

這代表什麼？在大多數的狀況下，這是很顯而易見的。轟炸機、戰車、火箭與白磷彈是那堵高牆。被壓碎、燒焦、射殺的手無寸鐵的平民則是雞蛋。這是這比喻的一個角度。

This is not all, though. It carries a deeper meaning. Think of it this way. Each of us is, more or less, an egg. Each of us is a unique, irreplaceable soul enclosed in a fragile shell. This is true of me, and it is true of each of you. And each of us, to a greater or lesser degree, is confronting a high, solid wall. The wall has a name: It is The System. The System is supposed to protect us, but sometimes it takes on a life of its own, and then it begins to kill us and cause us to kill others - coldly, efficiently, systematically.

不過，並不是只有一個角度，還有更深的思考。這樣想吧。我們每個人或多或少都是一顆雞蛋。我們都是獨一無二，裝在脆弱容器理的靈魂。對我來說是如此，對諸位來說也是一樣。我們每個人也或多或少，必須面對一堵高牆。這高牆的名字叫做體制。體制本該保護我們，但有時它卻自作主張，開始殘殺我們，甚至讓我們冷血、有效，系統化的殘殺別人。

I have only one reason to write novels, and that is to bring the dignity of the individual soul to the surface and shine a light upon it. The purpose of a story is to sound an alarm, to keep a light trained on The System in order to prevent it from tangling our souls in its web and demeaning them. I fully believe it is the novelist's job to keep trying to clarify the uniqueness of each individual soul by writing stories - stories of life and death, stories of love, stories that make people cry and quake with fear and shake with laughter. This is why we go on, day after day, concocting fictions with utter seriousness.

我寫小說只有一個理由。那就是將個體的靈魂尊嚴暴露在光明之下。故事的目的是在警醒世人，將一道光束照在體系上，避免它將我們的靈魂吞沒，剝奪靈魂的意義。我深信小說家就該揭露每個靈魂的獨特性，藉由故事來釐清它。用生與死的故事，愛的故事，讓人們落淚的故事，讓人們因恐懼而顫抖的故事，讓人們歡笑顫動的故事。這才是我們日復一日嚴肅編織小說的原因。

My father died last year at the age of 90. He was a retired teacher and a part-time Buddhist priest. When he was in graduate school, he was drafted into the army and sent to fight in China. As a child born after the war, I used to see him every morning before breakfast offering up long, deeply-felt prayers at the Buddhist altar in our house. One time I asked him why he did this, and he told me he was praying for the people who had died in the war.

先父在九十歲時過世。他是個退休的教師，兼職的佛教法師。當他在研究所就讀時，他被強制徵召去中國參戰。身為一個戰後出身的小孩，我曾經看著他每天晨起在餐前，於我們家的佛壇前深深的向佛祖祈禱。有次我問他為什麼要這樣做，他告訴我他在替那些死於戰爭中的人們祈禱。

He was praying for all the people who died, he said, both ally and enemy alike. Staring at his back as he knelt at the altar, I seemed to feel the shadow of death hovering around him.

他說，他在替所有犧牲的人們祈禱，包括戰友，包括敵人。看著他跪在佛壇前的背影，我似乎可以看見死亡的陰影包圍著他。

My father died, and with him he took his memories, memories that I can never know. But the presence of death that lurked about him remains in my own memory. It is one of the few things I carry on from him, and one of the most important.

我的父親過世時帶走了他的記憶，我永遠沒機會知道一切。但那被死亡包圍的背影留在我的記憶中。這是我從他身上繼承的少數幾件事物，也是最重要的事物。

I have only one thing I hope to convey to you today. We are all human beings, individuals transcending nationality and race and religion, fragile eggs faced with a solid wall called The System. To all appearances, we have no hope of winning. The wall is too high, too strong - and too cold. If we have any hope of victory at all, it will have to come from our believing in the utter uniqueness and irreplaceability of our own and others' souls and from the warmth we gain by joining souls together.

我今日只想對你傳達一件事。我們都是人類，超越國籍、種族和宗教，都只是一個面對名為體制的堅實高牆的一枚脆弱雞蛋。不論從任何角度來看，我們都毫無勝機。高牆太高、太堅硬，太冰冷。唯一勝過它的可能性只有來自我們將靈魂結為一體，全心相信每個人的獨特和不可取代性所產生的溫暖。

Take a moment to think about this. Each of us possesses a tangible, living soul. The System has no such thing. We must not allow The System to exploit us. We must not allow The System to take on a life of its own. The System did not make us: We made The System.

請各位停下來想一想。我們每個人都擁有一個獨特的，活生生的靈魂。體制卻沒有。我們不能容許體制踐踏我們。我們不能容許體制自行其是。體制並沒有創造我們：是我們創造了體制。

That is all I have to say to you.

這就是我要對各位說的。

I am grateful to have been awarded the Jerusalem Prize. I am grateful that my books are being read by people in many parts of the world. And I am glad to have had the opportunity to speak to you here today.

我很感謝能夠獲得耶路撒冷文學獎。我很感謝世界各地有那麼多的讀者。我很高興有機會向各位發表演說。

Thank you.
　　
謝謝





伸延：
本文來源

高牆與卵：村上春樹耶路撒冷文學獎演說(3)-用語解說

村上春樹小說的情感世界

發功

我們每個人都是 connected with each other 的，Dr Nicholas Christakis 相信我們會不自覺給身邊的人影響，也同時影響身邊的人。(結論看似有點無聊對不對？原文寫得詳細/ 精彩多了。)

黃子華也說過我們內裡有個「二五仔」，會令我們不開心。

所以

來，送你幾首歌。



我們每個人裡面都有 HERO，要相信自己。





遇到難過不緊要，找個肩膀靠一下。哭過，再重來。

MBTI (人格心理測驗)

http://o3o.cc/mbtitest/mbtitest66

估吓我是哪一種性格？ (估中無獎)

(後)

想起短宣的一幕。

當時跟教會去內地短宣，我們準備了類似的心理測驗和當地民眾分享。

坐我後面不遠的中年男士做得很慢，我以為他只是不知怎樣選擇，所以笑說照直覺就行。後來才知是因為他不識字。(他有點尷尬地笑笑)

我呆了一呆。

一直在香港生活，就以為讀書識字是理所當然的。電視上偶爾也會看到呼籲大家資助國內兒童上學的消息，但感覺上距離很遠，看過就過了，也不真當一回事。

後來在香港也遇上類似的情況。

崇拜時身邊的婆婆沒有拿程序表，於是我把自己手上的移近跟她一起看。

她說不用了，我不識字。

我有點不會反應，只會說哦不要緊，笑得尷尬。

回想反應真差/ 笨拙，其實我應該大大方方地說哦不要緊，我們一起看，然後每字/ 句指給她看，而不是像做錯甚麼事那樣尷尬。

這樣比喻可能不太恰當，但感覺有點像有時在街上見到行動不便的人士，我總會保持眼神前視，避免和他們有眼神接觸。但愈想表現自在，就似乎愈不自然。

倒無關乎歧視或是甚麼的，我只是怕他們不高興。這其實也算是一種成見吧，為甚麼覺得他們心靈比較脆弱？或許他們要比我們強不知多少。

思 遠

我披戴你的影子   緊隨你的腳步               走

遍尋有關你的蛛絲馬跡

看你看過的書   喜歡的電影

聽你聽過的講座   回憶的故事

走你走過的路   遇見的景致

我努力抓緊你的片斷

各種   人   物   事   都令我想起你

你彷彿就在身邊


何以總是

捻不成   塑不出   一個完整的你？



原來你   一     直    
                                       離         
                                                       我          

                                                                         很


                                                                                .



                                                                                    .




                                                                                        .





                                                                                            .





                                                                                              遠

伸延：

元曲《我泥中有你，你泥中有我》

變壓插頭

昨晚跟家人去了吃壽司，然後買些補給物。

買了變壓器(插頭)後‥‥‥

   爸：你肯定加拿大的電壓是110V？

   我：嗯。

   爸：那你買了也無用。

   我：？

   爸：香港的電壓是220V，110V根本不夠力 (推動香港的電器)。
   
   我：‥‥‥ (可能得呢‥‥‥反正也買好了，我怎都會帶去的。)


(continue...)

It works.

空

終於開始收拾行裝了，卻還是提不起勁計劃行程。

小說寫了一半，工作做得不三不四，行程計劃只有大綱。

甚麼都不想做。

有些事是要迫出來的。

Being a Student Helper

高考放榜，這個星期回舊校做 Helper。

工作的日子時間過得特別快，回家已經是晚上了，眨一眨眼又到睡覺的時候。

工作不算多也不特別難，只是重複做同一種動作，說同一類話。

開始上腦習慣叫人「同學」。「同學呢邊丫。」「同學我幫你。」「同學麻煩果邊出。」

Applicant 樣子都很相似，也許是他們心態/ 年紀/ 經歷相近的關係。

其實我應該不是大他們很多，但已有種上一輩看年青人的感覺。

不久前你還是被管(排隊)的一群，現在卻成了管人的一群。(當然我們上面還有人)

(然後吃飯時又成了被管(排隊)的。)


當自己做 Helper 的時候，發現原來內部行政/ 安排比想像要混亂得多。

安排混亂，後來的申請人面試時間倒比先到的早；

培訓不足，你以為面前一位真能幫忙？可能他一分鐘前才給人臨時調來，不太清楚工作內容，只是硬著頭皮邊學邊做；

口徑不一，各部門或同一部門處理事情亦可能自相矛盾，前一個跟後一個得到的答案不一定相同‥‥‥

說真，如果我當年知道內部運作，一定驚呆。

連我們 Helper 也覺得問題多多。

又不是第一次收生，也不是臨時決定的活動，怎會如此(彷彿)準備不足？

(當然，內裡夾雜很多因素。而其實大部分 Admin 姐姐都很好很樂意幫忙。)


知道多了，多多少少會令人對事/ 部門/ 人失去點信心。

(另)

有位 Helper 很像 Gerald。

與他共事就像與年輕的 Gerald 共事，滿有親切感。

500 Days of Summer

Watched 500 Days of Summer tonight.

It doesn't have a happy ending, but it tells a story of real life.

One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest 飛越瘋人院

A nice film borrowed from school yesterday.

Ending's kinda sad yet touching, highly recommended.

"Normal" can do things that are far more brutal, irrational and unreasonable.

Sometimes you just can't differenciate between "nuts" and "normals".



ByTheWay, I'm sick of your self-righteousness.

That's why you misread others.







For more:

One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest Wiki

飛越瘋人院哲學討論

飛越瘋人院 One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest